Love the Convert, Just Don’t Marry Her

R. Dov Fischer writes:

Someone who had converted properly under another rav’s sponsorship once came to me, with tears, saying that a certain person refused to meet her for a date because she was a convert. I had tears, too. I told her that she is blessed because she has an advance warning system to help filter out the worst of jerks before she marries. (I do acknowledge that there can be certain concerns on the matter, such as “If I marry a Ger, what impact will his or her non-Jewish parents have on future children we would have, playing a role as grandparents? What would happen at Xmas season?” I get it. It is something to explore, just as I recommend to people that they always should regard whether prospective future in-laws may be of the sort who could ruin a marriage. But here we had someone who had converted before meeting anyone, and the fellow would not even meet her.
There always will be people who find the next one beneath their standard. …

While R. Fischer apparently considers someone who refuses to date a convert “the worst of the jerks”, Rav Yisachar Shlomo Teichtal actually recommends rejecting a shidduch with a young lady whose paternal grandfather was a convert, despite the fact that her father was “respected and G-d fearing”. He does, however, concede that the recommendation to avoid marrying (even) the descendants of converts is not absolute, and does not apply “if the convert is more righteous than a Jewish woman”:

שאלני תלמיד ותיק אחד, היות שמדברים לו נכבדות עם בת בע”ב נכבד וירא אלקים, אך אבי אביה של העלמה היה גר, אם לרחק שידוך זה, אם כי ידע דעל פי דין אין בזה בית מיחוש כלל, רק הוא מסתפק אם יש בזה איזה זהירותא יתירתא.

והשבתי לו כי הדבר מבואר בברכות ח: ובפסחים דף קיב:,

ארבעה דברים צוה רבינו הקדוש את בניו כו’ ואל תשב על מטת ארמית כו’ ואיכא דאמרי דלא תינסב גיורתא, ופירש רשב”ם [פסחים שם] משום דאמרינן [סנהדרין צד.] גיורא עד עשרה דרה לא תבזי ארמאה באפיה עכ”ל

מלשון רשב”ם משמע דעד עשרה דרי יש להקפיד שלא לישא גיורת. …

על כל פנים למדנו שכל נפש היפה ירחק עצמו מזה. … אולם לאו כללא היא בכל מקום דאם הגיורת היא צדקת יותר מאשת ישראל יש לקרב הגיורת כמבואר בספר חסידים סימן שע”ז עיי”ש, ועיין עוד בחת”ם סופר אה”ע סימן קי”ג ודו”ק.1

[See also this previous post, discussing some contemporary attitudes toward the concern for בן נדה.] In a follow-up post, we shall, בג”ה, discuss whether the failure to disclose one’s status as a convert or recent descendant of one would be grounds for a claim of מקח טעות.

  1. שו”ת משנה שכיר אה”ע סימן ו’‏ []

7 thoughts on “Love the Convert, Just Don’t Marry Her”

  1. “In a follow-up post, we shall, בג”ה, discuss whether the failure to disclose one’s status as a convert or recent descendant of one would be grounds for a claim of מקח טעות.”

    Should read בע”ה

    I’m happy to see that after a long drought , you have returned to Stakhanovite levels of productivity , יישר חילך לאורייתא

    1. Thanks much for the kind words!

      My use of בג”ה is deliberate, if a bit of a conceit – it’s an acronym for בגזירת הצור. I use it as a Ralbagism, although I just Googled it and found that eight out of the ten first hits are to אור השם – and the last two are to this blog …

      1. Now that you mention it, I dimly recall seeing phrase in Ralbag. Will look around over shabbos בג”ה 🙂

  2. M’inyan l’inyan, I wonder if you have any insight as to the halachic justification (if any) for the decision of the Beys Din of the Edah to prohibit the marriage of R. Amram Blau to convert Ruth Ben-David?

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